I am not the new year's resolutions type of girl, but I HAD to do something about this terrible thing...
that just kept poisoning my life : the people-pleaser in me.
The truth is fireworks of a new decade did not make me, suddenly, realize that I had to stop trying to please people for the sake of pleasing people. I had already started to think about it since last summer, as I began to feel tired of this impression that I had: being trapped into doing things for others, saying things for others that weren’t me.
This is the type of conversations I, too often, had with my sister:
Me: Argh, I don’t wanna go there.
Sister: Well, don't go.
Me: But I already said yes!
Sister: Well, why did you say yes?!
Me: I don’t know! To be nice!
Sister: If you don’t want to go, don’t go, that’s it. And why do you keep saying yes if you always complain about it afterwards?!
A TRAP
This is what being a people pleaser is : a trap.
Thinking :
"How will I appear?" instead of "What do I want?"
or
"What will people think of me?" instead of "Am I okay with this?"
Such reasoning resulted in me being in situations I never wanted to be in. Or being too quick to say yes, later realizing I should have said no. And this was not fair to myself.
LIAR
I have once read that being a people pleaser was basically beinfg a liar.
That shocked & shook me.
Because it helped me realized that indeed, I didn’t speak what was in my heart nor on my mind, but instead I told people what they wanted to hear. Or rather, I told people what I thought they wanted to hear.
The word "liar" definitely spit the truth in my face, the face of a born again woman.
HONESTY
From that day on, I decided that I would never be a people pleaser again.
I've decided to simply be honest. And I am honest. I am honest with my family, with my friends & with people because I never want to be a liar again.
2020 was a good opportunity for me to declutter my life, removing myself from all of the situations that were birthed from my old people-pleasing ways.
Now, of course, nobody’s perfect. We are all work in progress. But there is one thing I want to always do from now on : it is to always think through before saying yes (especially yes) or no to anything. Let us learn how to take our time. Let us evaluate the situations and use our past experiences to judge wisely. We'll make mistakes, but we'll learn from them, with the precious help of God.
Finally, let us find a balance between loving on others and remaining true to our own selves.
Peace should always be with us, whatever we do!
Happy New Year!
God Bless You All,
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